With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
