I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
