i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
