those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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