Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
