420 ftw
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
