I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
