Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
