Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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