you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
