I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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