tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
