You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
