Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
