I wanna passion pit in your ass
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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