We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
