she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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