So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
