i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
