I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
