you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
