so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
