Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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