i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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