This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
