I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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