Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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