are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
