Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
