he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
