i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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