Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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