god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
