Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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