Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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