I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
