Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
