just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
