Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
