We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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