just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
