is your mom at the bar?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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