You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
