Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
