She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need to align my fucking chakras
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
