I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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