is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
