i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
