If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
