I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
