she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
